Crusty Horoscopes
Aries (March 21-April 19)Come they told me pa-rum-pum-pum-pum --- everyone but you knows that your boyfriend's a bum.
Taurus(April 20-May 20)Deck the halls with boughs of holly falalalala-la-lala-la --- thinking you don't suck is folly falalalala-la-lala-la
Gemini (May 21-June 20)Silent night, holy Night --- Santa is great but you really bite.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay --- don't bother trying to hide it, everybody knows you're gay.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Away in a manger no crib for a bed --- your girlfriend gave the whole football team head.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nose --- the boys at the Squealing Pig, think that you and all your friends are ho's
Libra (Sept. 23 - Aug. 22)On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me --- a rash and an STD.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way --- you might as well accept it, you ain't ever getting laid.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose --- you'll never get a girlfriend unless your penis grows.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20)Long time ago in Bethlehem the Holy Bible say --- everyone who knows you wishes you'd go away.
Aquarius (Jan. 19-Feb. 18)Angels we have heard on high --- say you'd double your chances if you were bi
Feces (Feb. 19-March 20)Sleighbells ring are you listenin', in the lane snow is glistenin' --- a beautiful sight, but something's not right your mother really used to be a man.